Tuesday 17 April 2012

Why we've decided to learn at home...

Let's just imagine for a minute that there is more to life than how 'successful' you are. That there are more important things than how clever you are, what you do for a living, how much you earn and what 'stuff' you have. We all know that these days don't we, deep down? Whatever we might feel we know, our society seems full of people rushing around convinced there is not enough time for any of the things or people that matter to them, constantly striving and desperately competing to stay 'on top'. I can't help feeling that in many ways our schools support and encourage this approach to life. Throughout their school days children are tick-boxed and tested against a limited criteria, and then labelled if they fall outside of the range of normality. In fact I often wonder whether what children actually learn at school is how to become submissive to authority, how to give the right answer and how to please adults. Stories about children's anxieties about school and their performance there are seemingly becoming all too common, as children become ever aware of what is expected of them and how well they shape up against their peers. This is not about criticising school though and I know that there are many brilliant teachers doing a great job, and equally there are plenty of parents putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on their kids. Its the system that bothers me and since I don't see the system changing in a way that would please me any time soon, we've simply decided to allow our children to learn outside of it. During the past year of thinking very seriously about learning, I've realised that there are particular hopes and wishes that I have for my children's learning that I feel will best served outside of the school system. Some of these may sound a bit bizarre because the idea of school is so ingrained in us, and please remember that this is what I want for my children and not what I think anyone else should want for theirs.

I would like my children to be able to learn about their bodies and listen to its needs. To sleep until they are ready to wake, eat when they are hungry, run around when they feel the need to use energy, and be still when they feel they want rest. This seems of massive importance to me when I look around and see how many adults are simply not able to do this for themselves, and the stress and illness it causes. I can't imagine having to wake Joseph in the morning (during the winter he was sleeping until 8.30am at times), rush breakfast and rush all of us around to be ready to leave the house to arrive at school on time. Just thinking about it makes me feel stressed and exhausted, I can't imagine how it might feel to a small child. And what would I be teaching the boys by allowing this to become the norm in our house? That there is never enough time? That the things they find fascinating and want to linger about doing aren't important? Living with three small children has taught me that they have their own clocks! They refuse to rush for anybody, and I've often turned up late to places because Joseph was busy collecting sticks, watching a spider make a web or happily stood by some roadworks, watching tarmac being laid! There is fascination in the world all around for children if they are given the time to look at it. Rushing does not seem natural to them and where this is concerned I think the kids have it right and we adults have it very wrong! I can imagine some may give a response like 'well how will they be prepared for the world of work?'. I don't that's something a small child should be concerned about.

The amount of learning that Joseph has done in his first four years is staggering, and I feel as though I have done little more than provide an interesting and stimulating environment, respond to his needs and interests and follow his lead in terms of what he was ready to do. When as a baby he began to hold things we made sure there was plenty around him to pick up and hold on to. When he began to speak we listened, responded and put his words in a context for him. It was natural for him, and natural for us. As time has gone on this has continued as he makes us aware of the things he enjoys and wants to know about and we ensure there is plenty of opportunity for him to experience them. In his book 'How Children Learn' John Holt says that for children, learning is as natural as breathing, and this is absolutely our experience. We see our boys learning all the time in everything they do, and they have so far learned all the necessary skills they needed to get to this point, in their own way and their own time. I don't believe that this will suddenly stop when they reach statutory school age. I trust my children to learn.

I would like my children to be given space. I have an instinct to leave my children be as much as possible and to keep interference to a minimum. Of course I keep them safe, but it feels natural for me to watch their play and ideas unfolding rather than trying to steer them in a particular direction. If it fascinates them then it's fascinating, and if they want to know about something then it's worth knowing. I think it's a real shame that the system makes judgements about what is worth knowing/doing and what itsn't at particular ages, I guess it's so they can keep track of children's progress. If I don't make value judgements about what my children learn when, I won't have to test them, and I therefore hope they'll grow up without a sense that it's bad to get things wrong. How many wonderful experiences are lost for fear of getting it wrong I wonder? There's an amazing world between black and white and right and wrong, I want my children to live there.

It makes sense to me that my children learn in the real world, in a real context. As such, I've tried to lead by example rather than 'teach' wherever possible, for example being polite and respectful towards them rather than nagging them about their manners towards others. I don't always manage it, but that's my intention! The idea of a learning environment where there are power relationships involved and the sense that all worthwhile knowledge is located in a teacher or other adult does not inspire me, and I doubt it would inspire my boys in the longer term. John Holt made what I believe to be a wonderful point, highlighting that in a classroom it's the teacher who speaks the most, while it is the children who need the most practise at speaking! In the brief time I've been a mother I've learned more from my boys than I could ever 'teach' them.

Some of the best ideas I've had, the most inspiration I've received and the most sense I've made of my knowledge has been gained in moments of stillness. Staring out of windows, walking or sitting in silence...daydreaming!! I'll make sure my children get plenty of time for that! Plenty of time to just absorb the world around them without anyone suggesting they should be thinking about anything in particular, or focussing on anything else. I want their minds to be their own, I hope they'll develop a rich and engaging internal world. I may never know, but that doesn't matter :)

Time, Space and Stillness. In brief, that's my hope for them.




18 comments:

  1. Hi Lou,
    I've really enjoyed reading your blog - and look forward to many more entries. What a brave, admirable decision you've made! I'm some what envious and would appreciate a bit more stillness in mine and Marnie's life! School most definately changes children. Although Marnie enjoys school and has a great peer group - I do worry that the system is gradually stiffling her creativity! Good Luck, Love Cara xx :)

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  2. Thanks for reading and commenting Cara, glad you found your way here as I was planning on sending you the link! I've been thinking about you while writing this, and all those conversations we used to have back in the day about how ironic it is that we crowd children together in classrooms and then perceive them as a threat when they crowd together in the local park or high street! Funny how these things come back to you! Hope Marnie is well, whatever happens at school at least she comes home to a mum who can help her keep it all in perspective! Lots of love xx

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  3. Hi Lou. A friend of yours directed me over here from Twitter. I'm gald I have discovered your blog and I look forward to reading about your home education journey. I agree with all your reasons for wanting to do this. If I didn't run my own business this is definitely something I would want to do but I plan to do what I can in addition to school. Unless of course I change my mind before my 3 year old starts school.. ha ha..

    I think children start school way too early. 6 or 7 would be a much better age in my opinion. Good luck with everything!

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    1. Hello! Thanks so much for reading. Its been amazing to me in taking this decision and talking about it to others just how many people can relate to these concerns about the education system. Yesterday I was chatting to someone who started off telling me I was mad, then went on to describe all the difficulties her child had experienced in the first few years of school and then said she could absolutely see why I was doing it! So much research suggests that the best age for starting formal education is 7, I just don't understand why we don't listen. Ultimately, we all need to do what we feel is best for ourselves and our families, it's just not always that easy to work out what that it is! Best wishes to you and yours, Lou.

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  4. Inspirational and really resonates with me. Very courageous to go against the norm. I recognise all of what you have said and believe the current educational system is based on dysfunctional values that cultivate more of the same. My children are at school now and believe it is of value, but recognise the essentials of learning who we really are in essence, being and stillness, are not taught in schools because most in society are focused on content and objects of awareness rather than tapping into the healing deeper wisdom that is already present in all of us. my children are learning to meditate with me so they can hear their own intuition and develop the discerning nature necessary to listen to others, respect other viewpoints, but make up their own minds. I wish you the very best on your courageous journey and will definitely be following your blog. I would also like to get together at some point to discuss a meditation group specifically for children.

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    1. Thanks for your comments David, I'd love to chat about a group for children. It's really important for me that the boys are given the chance to live peacefully with themselves because it makes sense to me that if they can, then their interactions with the world and learning within it will be more joyful and more meaningful for them. At the moment we find stillness just being outside and listening, enjoying the natural beauty around us. At their tender ages this usually only lasts for moments, but I think that's all it takes! Thanks again for your support.

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  5. That's a brave decision, well done !
    Glad to see your alternative thinking has followed you into adult life, you always thought a bit differently at school :-)
    Daniel

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    1. Ha, ha! Thanks Daniel, yes I think it's going to follow me everywhere! I've spent plenty of moments wishing I could just give myself an easy life with this one and go with the mainstream, but there comes a point when ignoring your instincts is harder than following them, even when they have such a massive impact on your lifestyle!! Best wishes, thanks for reading xx

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  6. Well done Lou and Ollie! Clearly a decision you have researched and pondered over and come to your own meaningful decision! I agree exactly with what you have to say, and if circumstances allowed and I could find the courage I would happily educate Noah at home until he was a little older!! Especially seeing the experiences my sisters had from beginning formal education later and also being able to look back from a perspective years on and to see where and who they have become now. I also have a much deeper insight into formal education after doing my primary education degree.....and then deciding to be in the ambulance service!! haha....my heart wasn't in that job and I felt it wouldn't be fair on the pupils I would teach. Do you mind your blog being shared? Good luck, will continue reading! xx

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  7. Thanks Jess, feel free to share with anyone you feel may be interested. Funny cos I thought about going into teaching a few times and never did, then educational psychology when I got my graduate diploma...something always stopped me, twins in the case of the latter! Who knows how brave you'll feel or what might be possible for you by the time Noah is due to start school! Take care and thanks for your comments xx

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  8. Hi Lou,
    What an amazing and brave decision you have made. Elijah will be starting school in September at the tender age of 4 and 2 weeks. We've thought long and hard about whether to hold him back a year or to home school him because he will be so young and because we don't want him to be pushed into growing up too quickly. We have reached the decision that he will start school in September and hope that we can provide him with the balance he needs in his home life. I will be really interested to read how you're getting on, thank you for sharing your journey in this way. Wishing you lots of luck. Sam xx

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    1. Hi Sam, hope you are all well! Yes it's such a difficult decision! Joseph will be four and four months in September and he's pretty switched on for his age, but despite this I think he's still too young for school. Plenty of research backs up the idea that starting school later is better but we just don't live in a society that supports that. It makes it so difficult for parents to know what's best. Your son has a loving home to return to so I've no doubt he'll cope just fine when he starts school! Best wishes to all of you xx

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  9. Well what an interesting read, food for thought definately. I take my hat off to you both for following your principles and standing up for your beliefs. It takes a special person to 'home teach' and you are definately that, whenever I see you with the boys it is obvious that at every opportunity you enable them to learn through their play and constantly encourage growth and development.
    Good luck with your venture and will enjoy reading your updates.

    Michelle

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    1. Thanks so much Michelle, such lovely compliments! We're looking forward to the ups and downs of an exciting adventure!! xx

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  10. That makes really interesting reading Lou, will be interested in reading your progress.....Good luck x

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    1. Thanks for reading Mike, appreciate your support xx

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  11. I have read this blog post three times now. You put into words so well what I would like for my daughter (and what she shows me she would like!). She has just turned two and I would love for her to be able to continue to learn as she does - so naturally and with so much joy! Thank you for writing here. I will follow your blog with great interest. :-)

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    1. Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I feel a groundswell of parents who are realising that the system just doesn't provide an education based on how we can see our children learn best. This was why I really wanted to share my family's experience, the more people who speak about this the more normalised it will become I hope :) Best wishes to you and your daughter, two year olds are magical!

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