On the road with Daddy, and veering from our well-trod path.

When we decided to learn at home we hoped that it would enable us to have more flexible time together as a family. Oliver works all over the country and so can be away for several days at a time, but also works from home when he is not away which means that when he is around, the boys get to spend time with him during the day, and he is often able to join in with home-ed activities. We also hoped that because the boys would not be at school during the week, we might get the chance to take them away on some of Oliver's work trips and give them a chance to explore other parts of the country. We have now reached a point where this is far more of a possibility; Callum and Charlie no longer use cots, we don't need to take quite as much 'stuff' with us, and the boys are easier to entertain in the car with chat, games and books meaning that we don't need to rely on them sleeping through journeys as much as we used to!! Last week Oliver was called to Wiltshire and I was feeling a bit stagnant and uninspired after the busyness of Christmas and New Year, so we decided we would all go!

The journey was fine and when we arrived at Oliver's first customer after a 3 hour drive we were extremely fortunate to discover that it was located right by Wiltshire's biggest indoor play centre! Perfect! The boys had a fantastic time burning off lots of energy while their daddy worked down the road and I read a book! It was then a short drive to our hotel where we ate, bathed and slept very well. The boys were very peaceful during the night, no doubt comforted that we were all in a room together.

The following day Oliver had a full days work nearby and as luck would have it I remembered a friend who lived in the area and we met with her and her son, had a walk along a canal, played in the park, drank hot chocolate on a barge and then went to her house for lunch. By the time we returned to the hotel Oliver had finished work and the boys had a brilliant time playing in the play area in the attached pub where we had dinner. Our trip was going well, so we decided to extend it by driving to Somerset the following day to visit Oliver's grandfather and introduce him to Callum and Charlie for the first time. There was plenty for the boys to explore in the area around his home too!

We drove from Somerset to Reading and stayed there overnight to break up the journey home to Kent.

During our little road trip Joseph sat in the front with Oliver and I sat in the back between Callum and Charlie. This seemed to work well; I could read them stories, dig around for snacks and drinks, chat to them about the scenery and stroke them off to sleep while Oliver and Joseph played I-Spy and nattered away in the front! Car journeys often provide me with an opportunity for thought and reflection and this seemed to be the case for Joseph too as he asked Oliver, "Why are we on this earth?" and other fantastic questions! Oliver spoke to Joseph about the things that make this planet habitable compared to others, while I sat in the back pondering which one of the myriad of potential different ways I'd have gone about answering that question! They watched birds of prey hunting above and Joseph shared out sweets and watched the sat nav. When giving out muesli bars Joseph said "We should have brought 10 so we could all have 2 each!" Just being together is a great opportunity for learning!

On our first morning away I read Sandra Dodd's daily blog 'Just Add Light and Stir' as I do every morning, and it really spoke to me. The post, which was titled Same and Safe talked about choosing activities that were new in order to promote learning. Over the past few months Oliver has invited us along with him on work trips several times and I have always chosen to stay at home. We have everything we need here, plenty of friends to see and places to go so packing up a car and travelling around when we could just stay at home seemed like an effort! I realise now how much of a coping strategy 'same and safe' became for me after having the twins. Joseph was still so small and dependent when the twins arrived and so I found a range of activities that I knew I could manage in order to feel confident managing the three of them alone outside of the home. We had a routine of groups we would attend and places we would go during the week that gave us all lots of stimulation and socialisation, and that most importantly, felt safe. I needed our activities to be predictable because I had three very small children who were not predictable! Reading Sandra's blog reminded me that I don't need this coping strategy anymore, we've all moved on and grown and its easier now to wander from the well-trod path. What is more, veering towards the new and not yet experienced is absolutely necessary for the life of learning at home we have chosen. Same and safe served a purpose and got us all through a couple of very challenging years, but now we are ready for the new! We have a lot of lovely comfort activities that are same, safe and loved by us; books we read over and over again, films and games we never tire of and a beach we will never get bored of exploring, but there is a whole world out there to wonder over and explore, and that's what we intend to do. The boys jumped at the chance to go away with their Daddy and had a fantastic time, Joseph even asked to stay longer after initial concern that he would miss his home! I'll be far more willing to jump at the chance to go away in future, and I'm planning to get a going-away bag stocked up so that we can go without too much packing - Oliver's trips are often short-notice.

Sandra's reminder came at just the right time. Its a New Year, and we're looking forward to all the new experiences it brings.

 

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Hello 2013!

We're now 12 days into the new year and I have to admit I was pretty sad to say goodbye to 2012, it had been a challenging year but hugely transformative for me individually and for our family. I'll always look back on it as the year we decided Joseph wouldn't go to school I guess; at the time it felt like a decision that was predominantly about learning, but as the year progressed we realised that it would be about a great deal more than that. I remember speaking to a fellow home-ed mum who warned me to expect that now I had questioned the school system, I may find myself questioning all sorts of other things that had previously been 'accepted wisdom' to me. This has definitely been the case and while it has been difficult process in some respects, it has felt like a healthy one and certainly made 2012 anything but a dull year!

It's hard to believe that this time last year home-educating was something we hoped we'd be brave enough to embark on, and yet here we are a year on so happy with the decision that its difficult to imagine ever choosing anything else! It has really taught me how easily life can flow and how peaceful it can be when I listen to my feelings on a situation, and cast aside the 'should's' and 'need to's' of life. Now I've responded to my feelings about this one, its been a great deal easier to listen to them regarding a whole host of other things too, and life is better for it.

I'll always have 2012 earmarked as a very important year but I'm excited about the year ahead and the opportunity to watch the boys grow and learn in the way that makes most sense to them. The freedom to enjoy them and allow their interests to unfold rather than feel anxious about how well they are doing, how 'on target' they are or how well they compare to others their age is so important to me. Those things don't matter to our family, we simply care that they are learning and that they are happy, and they give us plenty of evidence throughout each day that they are both of these things in abundance!

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Setting off in a cupboard to a beautiful world!

The boys were playing in a cupboard as they often do, pretending it was a plane, car or some other vehicle taking them off on an adventure! They burst out of its doors and into the room saying "Look at this beautiful world!"

They seem to have a knack for reminding me, just when it seems I might be at risk of forgetting.

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Good enough for me!

Joseph was doing some activities that involved writing down numbers and he needed to write the number 4. Recently he has been frustrated that his fours do not look to him like a good enough representation of the number 4, but on this occasion he wrote one while chatting away to himself saying...

"I do a 'L' then do a line through it - there, that looks like a number four to me!"

As I sat listening to him I thought how brilliant it is that Joseph's attempts at anything only ever have to be good enough for him! I don't judge or mark his drawing or writing and so as long as he is pleased with what he produces then that is all that matters. At some point in his life it might be necessary for Joseph to present his skills for critique by another person, (if he wants to take exams or be interviewed for a job for example) but I don't believe he needs to spend his childhood practising for adulthood. At four years-old he is occupied with the very busy and very important task of being a four year-old, and if his representation of the number four is good enough for him, then it's good enough for me too!

I am fairly sure that I could decipher one of Joseph's fours however uniquely it has been represented, in the same way that I know exactly what Charlie wants when he asks for a "fucker", otherwise known as a cracker, or that when Callum appears at his most energetic he is actually in the greatest need of peace, and sleep. As their mummy I make it my job to understand them where others may struggle; it's amazing what love can do :) By the time they need to write numbers, ask for crackers or otherwise communicate their needs without my support they'll have mastered these skills, and so no-one will benefit from knowing how they are 'progressing' in the meantime.

We were at a home-ed get together recently and some of the children were sat drawing at a table. Joseph's picture included a mouse. He turned to me and said,

"That's a mouse. It doesn't really look like a mouse does it?"

"I can see its a mouse" I replied

"So can I" said Joseph, and he happily continued his drawing.

I sometimes wish I'd learned sooner how important it is to be good enough by my own standards rather than worrying how I measure up against somebody else's. Thankfully Joseph is already way ahead of me on this one :)

 

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A little chat...and the great big world!

We were on our way to visit friends this week when Joseph remembered another friend he wanted to see....immediately! I explained to him that she is at school now, and that its difficult for us to see her during the week.

"I want to go to school" said Joseph.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Because in school there are teachers and they tell you about things so you learn."

I have to admit I was a bit shocked that despite only ever attending nursery, Joseph has nonetheless absorbed the idea that teachers have knowledge they bestow upon others, and the sense that this knowledge cannot be gained without them. In response I told him that a teacher is just one person and doesn't know everything, and that in his life he has access to many people he can learn from; I listed my friends, his friends, our family, people we see around and other adults and children he knows. I also told him that a classroom is just one place, and that we are learning all day long, from all the different places that we go to. To this he replied,

"Ok. Well can we go to Africa, find a volcano and dig for dinosaur bones?"

Our little chat reminded me of two things; firstly how ingrained in our culture the idea of school and 'teaching' are, and secondly how huge the world inside of Joseph is. We talked about Africa, what we might see if we went there, what we would have to do to get there, why he thought he might find dinosaur bones close to a volcano and if there is anywhere closer to home we might be able to dig for bones! We talked about fossil hunting on the coast nearby and the following day I took him to a park with a big sand pit so that we could play at burying things and digging them up, giving one another clues in order to find where the 'treasure' was buried!

Joseph holds the Universe inside of him, and I aim to allow him to learn in a way that keeps it that way. Children think big if we allow them to and their ideas can be far bigger than classrooms and 50 minute lessons. While we save for our African Adventure (if this turns out to be something Joseph pursues!) I can find a way to bring the parts of Africa Joseph is interested in to him. We have made our own dinosaur bones and skeletons before, we can hunt for fossils, we can make our own exploding volcano, we can turn the back garden into a jungle...his interests and imagination can make all our lives more interesting if we let it!

His world is huge. I think that's how it should be.

 

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Getting it wrong!

I have a maths iPad app that Joseph plays from time to time. This week I found him playing on it and finding it a bit too easy, so he started to deliberately give the wrong answers. He enjoyed seeing what happened when he did this for a while, and then moved on to another activity where he guessed the right answer rather than counting to find out what it was; he was never more than 1 or 2 away so he was estimating rather than guessing really. For a split second I felt frustrated that he wasn't playing 'properly' and then I realised that he was doing something far more important; making the game his own, testing how it responded and finding alternative ways of discovering the correct answer. The minute it became more challenging he became more determined to work out the problem and give the correct answer.

I learned a few things from watching Joseph play the maths game. Firstly, he wasn't afraid to get it wrong and try out different things just to see what happened. This feels like a positive approach to learning - feeling happy to try different things out rather than feeling afraid to give an answer because it might be the wrong one. I suspect that if too much value is placed being 'right' and giving the 'correct' answer, a child may become afraid to get things wrong and stifle their ability to test their own theories. They may even stop having theories, and prefer to wait for someone to give them the 'right' answer. A few days ago Joseph was looking in an atlas at a map of the world. He is fascinated by the way the earth looks from above, and the distinctions between land, sea, ice and desert. he found the UK and then said "...and this is London" pointing to Spain! I said "Thats actually another country called Spain" and Joseph replied "Yes Mummy but I don't know countries like you do, so I'm going to pretend its London!" He then pinpointed various London landmarks all over Europe. He didn't need the 'right' answer, he was testing out knowledge he already has and applying it to his growing understanding of maps, distance and location. His activity was a valuable one, and at this point in his life the confidence to apply his knowledge in this way is no doubt far more important than knowing where Spain is on a map of the world!

As I've navigated the world as an adult it has become increasingly clear how few situations can be solved with 'right' versus 'wrong' thinking or ideas. Life is full of grey areas, ambiguity and subjectivity and as I watched Joseph play I reflected on how problem solving in 'real world' situations is so often based on testing theories, estimating and using a gut feeling, rather than referring to external 'facts'. Parenthood has been a brilliant example of this for me; I have yet to find a 'right' way, other than the way that is right for this family. I hope to nurture a learning environment where the boys can become well equipped for problem solving in everyday situations, and navigating the grey areas of life. Allowing them to learn in an environment where there are not too many 'right' or 'wrong' answers feels like a good way to do this, which is why Michael Gove's plans for an exam system based on rote learning seems so utterly misguided to me. So much that I took on board as 'fact' in school is actually simply a theory, and there are things I needed to get wrong in order to find out what was right. There doesn't have to be an answer for everything....wondering is wonderful, and children are brilliant at it!

Joseph and I were walking the other day and he noticed a rainbow in the road. I told him how oil and water had mixed to produce this and he thought for a while as he walked and then said, "No Mummy, I think a piece of rainbow broke off and fell down from the sky!" Thank goodness he doesn't take my word for everything and is prepared to apply his own theory!

Long may it last!

 

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A little boy who loves numbers

I recently wrote about Joseph's growing knowledge of letters and sounds, although in actual fact his real interest seems to lay in numbers at the moment. I think this is because he is interested in the size and speed of everything and is constantly comparing objects, buildings, toys and just about anything else he can, in terms of which is the tallest, fastest and strongest! Because he realises that numbers are used to represent such things as speed and height he speaks about them quite a lot, and uses numbers to describe other things too, such as how strong a thing is, how much he loves a person or how friendly he feels towards them! Whenever I do something Joseph doesn't like he tells me "Mummy you are Zero my best friend now!"

Joseph is exploring numbers in a range of ways. He likes to write them in the condensation on windows and forms the shapes of numbers using his fingers. The other he day he asked me which '7' was best when he realised that the top of the 7 he was making with his fingers could point either way depending on how he did it. Making a number 5 using your fingers is quite a challenge, but Joseph has worked out a way he is happy with! He has created a game he will often play as we are driving along in the car; he asks me to guess what number he is making with his fingers and then when I guess the right one his hands pop out and he shows me. A number 6 and number 3 are photographed below!

I find this really interesting because it feels in a way like he is taking concepts from the outside world and literally making them a part of himself. Only a small percentage of the time Joseph spends thinking about numbers involves looking at them on a page or writing them down on paper, he is far more interested in using them actively; talking about them, playing with them in his head, using them for purposes that are useful to him, using them to help him understand other concepts that interest him such as time, height and speed and making them a part of his everyday world and language.

When we sit in the car Joseph is interested in speed limit signs and likes to read out the numbers. It's interesting that he isn't learning numbers in order; we were recently walking past a house and he told me "That house is number forty-four" and sure enough it was. Today he told me that Charlie has the number eighty-eight on his shirt, which he does. He's learning to recognise numbers in the way that makes most sense to him and once he gets over ten, recognising them seems easiest when they are paired up together...22, 33, 44 etc. Big numbers are what really interest him and he once had great fun writing a 4 on a piece of paper and asking me what it said, then adding more 4's one by one, asking what each number said until he had a whole row of 4's and we had reached the biggest number I knew how to say!! Sometimes if he sees a number such as 27 he'll call it 'twenty-seven-hundred', such is his interest in the really big numbers! Very often at bedtime he'll tell me he loves me 'eighty-thousand-seventy-eighty-eight-thousand'....or something similar!

In his head, Joseph is busily working out the order that these numbers fall into, and how 'big' they are relative to one another. During another recent walk Joseph asked whether seventy-six was bigger than fifty-four and then asked me to count to seventy-six while he listened to see where they are relative to one another. Yesterday he saw some Christmas lights and wanted to know how many 'sleeps' until Christmas. When I told him its about 50 he asked me to count to fifty and then complained "Oh! That's a lot isn't it!" Today I told him that Daddy's birthday is our next celebration and he asked how many sleeps, counted them under his breath and said "That's not too long is it!"

Adding, subtracting and dividing numbers happens very naturally all the time. Once again we were sat in the car recently having a dispute about how high the heating fans should be turned up. Joseph, who sits beside me in the front, likes to put them on number 4 because he is four years-old! I asked "and what if I asked you for it to be three less than that?" not because I was testing him, but because I wanted him to turn it down. He said without a thought, "It would be on one". While chatting about the fact that my God-Daughter would be coming to play a couple of weeks ago I reminded Joseph that he needed to be gentle with her because she is only 2 years-old. He said "She needs to have two more birthdays and then she'll be four!" Being one of three boys Joseph has lots of opportunity to divide...not that this always pleases him!

In response to the news that we are home-educating, several people have made comments like "How's your Maths?" or "I hope you're good at Algebra!" I didn't really struggle too much with the kind of maths we did in school, not that I remember the vast majority of it now! Instinctively I feel that if Joseph is left to play around with and explore numbers in the way he has been, using maths to solve real-world problems will become a natural extension of this. Whether or not he needs maths lessons to achieve this remains to be seen, for now I am absolutely confident that he is developing all the mathematical understanding he needs from going about his daily life, doing the things he enjoys.

Oliver recently told me that one of the biggest factors for him in deciding to home-educate our children was the fact he believed that if they wanted GCSE's (or whatever the equivalent is by the time our children reach that age) then they could learn all the relevant information in a short space of time and do not need 12 years of schooling in order to prepare them. He saw no need for them to spend all these years in school, when they could be outside of the system, doing things they enjoy and still gain qualifications if they want to. I have since found an article which backs up this belief in relation to maths. A group of teenagers in a school where no formal instruction was given decided they wanted to learn maths and learned the entire curriculum in 8 weeks!

Sounds unbelievable I know! Read here.

It's amazing what can be learned when a child is given time to develop the skills and space to develop the motivation. Our education system seems to work on the premise that a child will learn nothing unless they are made to. I think we underestimate just how much a motivated, inspired child can achieve!

 

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