"Have you started yet?" - The ongoing process of learning with our children

I've been asked a few times recently whether we have started homeschooling yet, so I thought I'd write a bit about my perspective on this. I'm really grateful for the interest people have shown and the questions they have asked, it always give me a great opportunity to go away and reflect on how I'm feeling about things; this blog post is a result of some of that reflecting I guess!

Since Joseph finished nursery at the end of July things certainly feel different and Oliver and I were only commenting yesterday on how much happier and more relaxed he seems. There were aspects of nursery he enjoyed but Joseph was never too fussed about going, he's just the type of child who prefers to be with his family and at the age of four that seems to make perfect sense to me. It's lovely knowing that we don't have to watch the clock and work our day around nursery runs, we're all enjoying the flexibility this brings to life. So far Joseph has spent much of the time he's usually at nursery watching films and having naps...he's loving his lazy afternoons :)

Learning at home won't be 'starting' as such. The truth is that although I didn't realise it at the time, our learning at home adventure began the moment Joseph was born, and probably even earlier. I had no idea when I became a mum that I wouldn't send my children to school and in all honesty I had some pretty stereotypical ideas about homeschooling and the type of people that chose to do it! Nonetheless, the three of us began learning together in the moments after Joseph's delivery. I remember Oliver carrying him through to the recovery room while I was stitched up, and by the time I was wheeled through only a few minutes later Ollie was telling me "He likes being tapped like this, it really soothes him!" Already father and son were learning together...beautifully and naturally :)

I was in hospital for four days after Joseph was born and remember that in the two hour 'breaks' in the afternoon when the ward was closed to visitors, I learned how valuable our time alone together was. That's still the case for Joseph and I; we still benefit from time out alone together, away from the interruptions of the rest of the world! We started off 'tuning-in' to one another that way, and we still do.

In the weeks after becoming a mum I learned about my own vulnerability and felt it intensely, probably for the first time as an adult. It was the first and only time I have ever felt concerned that Ollie would leave me, not that there was ever any sign he would, I just felt an overwhelming need to have him close by in a way that I hadn't before. Allowing myself a sense of vulnerability has been a wonderful learning curve. In becoming a mum of twins and three boys under three I learned not just to slow down but to stop! I don't think anything else would have made me stop, but in stopping I have learned what matters to me.

Parenthood has exposed the best and worst in Ollie and I and we've learned endless amounts about ourselves and one another. The five of us have learned both individually, and together as a family. There are plenty of books around to help us understand what babies learn and how they develop in the months after their birth but I don't know if there are any about what parents learn, or what couples and families learn about one another! I'm sure no two individuals or families are impacted in the same way and I doubt we are even aware of much of what we learn, but nonetheless learning happens, whether we realise it or not.

So yes, we have started learning at home but in this home learning is not 'schooling'. Learning is what happens here all day every day in everything we do, regardless of how consciously it is taking place. The 'subjects' we learn and the things we learn about the world are a natural part of this and occur because we allow ourselves to be curious, fascinated and mystified by the world around us. All I have needed to do in order to feel convinced of this is simply to watch my own children interacting with the world. They have smiled, laughed, moved, enjoyed food, walked, talked, made friends, taken risks, recited songs, role-played (I could go on!) when they were ready and in their own way. Joseph is interested in and shows a good and growing understanding of sounds and mathematical and scientific principles; I am convinced that he and his brothers will develop all the skills they need, why wouldn't they when they have all managed it so well until now? To learn in the place where you are valued the most also makes absolute sense to me too; I'd like to think about this more and write about it separately though. And learning for us has also been about our relationships, our home and family life...the way we are together and learn together. For us its not about league tables, exam results or careers. Because this is the view of learning I hold sending my children anywhere else to do it makes no sense to me, and so for now we will continue to live our lives together, learning happily as we go.

 

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The community that supports our learning

It's been another busy week for our household, with plenty of friends and family passing through! We're fortunate to have a lot of people around who want to be involved in our lives, and these relationships are going to be really important as we embark on our learning at home adventure!

I've realised that these relationships haven't been all about luck though, and it's been important to acknowledge the role Oliver and I have played in bringing these people and relationships into our lives and maintaining them there. I don't mean that in a 'wow-look-how-great-we-are, aren't-we-good-at-having-friends' sort of way! I mean that over the years I've realised that I create the environment in which my relationships play out, and as such the impact they have on my life. For example, we welcome help and support here (we have twins, we've had to!) and as a result we have some really helpful and supportive friends and family. If we didn't welcome this, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be this way! I hope our children will absorb from our attitudes the idea that we value the people around us, their skills and interests, and value the role they play in our lives.

Because Oliver often works away during the week and we don't want him having to work too much at home at the weekend too, we decided about a year ago to hire a gardener and this has been a brilliant decision! Not just because we can potter about in our garden and enjoy it rather than seeing it as a chore, but because our gardener has become a really valuable part of our lives. We know nothing about gardens and he has taught us a lot because we've been interested and keen to learn from him. We've shared with him our thoughts and hopes about what the boys will get from the garden and he's responded to this by creating areas especially for them, bringing cress for Joseph to grow on his windowsill and bringing fruit and veg for them to help plant outside. This week it was tomatoes!

If we simply asked him to mow the lawn, prune and pull up weeds we'd all be missing out on some great learning experiences, and our lives would be a little less rich! Our friends Andrew and Rita also came this week, and spent time in the garden with the boys planting runner beans and topping up the bird table!

On Friday we had an impromptu trip to the beach and were fortunate to have timed it just right for a root around in the rock pools! My parents came to meet us and spent a happy couple of hours with the boys...dad splashed about with them while mum shared her interest in the shells and sea life!

This is just a glimpse at the people who have been around this week. There have also been the friends who came for lunch and watched the hail storm with us, the family and friends we spent lovely time with over the Jubilee Weekend, and the friends I've been out with for a bit of adult time! All of these people contribute to our lives and our learning whether they realise it or not and it's great to watch the boys' relationships unfolding with the friends and family around us. We are part of a community (people and places) that plays a huge role in our learning and we like it this way. Each and every one of us has value, and knowledge is located everywhere, not just in teachers and not just in books. I hope the boys will go about their lives with their eyes and minds wide open ready to learn from anyone and anything, because the best learning can sometimes come from the most unexpected places! I think willingness is the key.

I hope to share plenty more examples of how we learn from the community around us as this blog unfolds. A few people have asked me whether I feel concerned that my own knowledge is limited and the boys may want to learn about something I don't know much about. This happens all the time and I find it exciting, it's great to think about something new and go looking for information. I don't feel anxious about not knowing all the answers, I don't think I have to. I think it's ok not to have a clue, to want to test out different theories or even to simply decide that you don't give a monkey's!! I can use the community around me to find things out and get help and support if I need it, I hope the boys will to. I don't have to know everything I'm asked, I don't have to give the 'right' answer all the time and neither do Joseph, Callum and Charlie. No ticks, no tests, just a wonderful process of ever-evolving, constantly unfolding knowledge, perfectly unique to the perfectly unique individuals we are!

A huge and genuine thank you to everyone who plays a role in our lives, however small it may seem. We are learning from all of you, all of the time.